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"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Don’t underestimate my ability to be hungry.
Yesterday was international ninja day and I didn`t even know. Well played ninja day, well played.
I`m single by choice. Not MY choice. But it`s still a choice
One of the things I like to say to a girl after we have sex for the first time is "Hmm, damn weird... I heard you were better."
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
I`m giving up procrastination for Lent ... starting tomorrow.
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
I sneak alcohol into work because I`m a problem solver.
"That girl is totally checking you out" said vodka. -Bfanch
You know when dogs sticks their heads out of a moving car window, bite at the air and it looks like fun? I tried it. It is.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...