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Any psycho girls wanna hang out? Just text me like 5000 times and let me know.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
My teen thought it`d be funny to post as me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Why do bras and batteries come in the same sizes?
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
Some days your the duck. Some days your the goose.
I’m amazing in bed. I have the ability to stay there all day.
My mother in law called me today and said? ”Come quick. I think I’m dying” I said, ”Call me back when you’re sure”.
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."