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If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Unlike milk, it is acceptable to cry over spilled beer.
Oh, you think you have relationship problems? Try separating me from my bed in the morning...
While waiting for the right person, have fun with the wrong one.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
I put a bumper sticker that says "Honk if You Think I`m Sexy" on my car. Then I wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
My dog reminds me of my ex. She doesn`t pull her weight financially and she`s scared of the vacuum.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
I love updating my Facebook status while crossing the stre
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
Me in a shopping mall: "I like that stuff" *looks at pricetag* "i don`t like it anymore"
I play hard to get along with.