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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
People go to the bar hoping for two things ... to get hammered or to get nailed.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
... and so begins another failed hundred or so attempts at trying to write the correct year on anything I date.
Here’s your social security card. It’s paper & has to last you forever. Don’t laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Office thermostats only have 2 settings: hell fire and hypothermia.
Like if you really googled to see if that kid really died from masturbating
Pokémon means a totally different thing if you`re stuck in prison.
"You only live once" is also an equally compelling reason not to do something extreme or stupid.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to put it in the fruit salad.