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"I`d like a bowl of soup please." "Any sides?" "I hope so, or it`ll go EVERYWHERE."
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
Answer your phone, "come in" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond.
A poem about me: I hate mornings. I wish I was drunk. The End.
My ex warned me that I would never find a girl like her again....THANK GOD!
My safe word is "Make sure we don`t go over the hour. That`s all the cash I got on me."
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
Bacon is the only exception that does not fall under the 5 second rule for dropped food.
Your trophy wife is more of a participation trophy wife, isn`t she?
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
I get very competitive at "All You Can Eat Buffets."
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.
is ready to have one too many!