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I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I’ve never been in love but I imagine it’s similar to the feeling you get when you see your waiter arriving with your food.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
Dear God, thank you for all the animals, and plants, and insects, but were spiders really necessary?
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Just once I`d like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do...Without being dragged out being told, "Ma`am, you`re not the bride..."
Remember when you were a kid and all you would use the computer for was paint and space pinball?
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"