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Why don`t prison inmates just use liquid soap?
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
If she can cook like her mother and drink like her father, she`s a keeper.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
You`re telling me, a chicken fried this rice
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Don`t take nude pics. Problem solved.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
Its Friday ... my body is in for a much-needed drinking session
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.