Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
It’s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Watching someone else play a video game is like watching someone who won`t let you join in while they`re masturbating.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
Ever wondered why there is a stairway to heaven, and a highway to hell? There´s apparently more traffic going to hell!!
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Just took a "Try Me" sticker off one of the plush toys at Wal-Mart and stuck it on a condom box.
I`m going to go take a hot shower, it`s like a normal shower but with me in it
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
Adam and Eve were the first people to agree to the Apple terms and conditions without reading them.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
Probably a good thing I`m not a ghost cause I`d just stay in the kitchen and scare people then eat all their food.