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Why go out and pretend to like people when you have Netflix?
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
Hurricanes, Fires,Tiger running loose ... Whoever is playing Jumanji needs to wrap it up
I just broke my record for most days lived.
I’m not a comedian. I don’t tell jokes. I just tell the truth in a way it sounds funny.
when humans are in love they get butterflys...dose that mean when butterflys are in love they get humans!! :)
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
You know you`re an alcoholic when the only Holiday cards that you get are from your neighborhood pubs.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
I just want you to be happy. And naked.
I just wanna be the reason your doctor puts you on a new medication.