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According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it`s hard to steal a car when the owner`s living in it...
Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
In post apocalyptic movies everyone wears leather ... but there are no cows.
On the first day of school, I tell all my students to rip up their textbooks ..then I leave before their REAL teacher arrives.
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
We look like we are being productive, but really, we are just talking sh!t about co-workers and how drunk we got last weekend.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Why do guys cheat on pretty girls with ugly ones...?
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
I`m a nonviolent person until I see a spider. Then I turn into Al Capone and "I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND!
Life is basically just a constant effort to not be disgusting.
100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses. The stables have turned.