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School is like an erection. It`s long and hard unless you`re Asian.
“Have you tried just drinking ALOT of vodka?”- me as a therapist
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
You really understand how drunk you are when you`re peeing...
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
It doesn´t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol.
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
There’s no “I” in team and coincidentally none in "Go f*ck yourself" either.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Ladies, wonder if he`s busy or ignoring your texts? Offer to send nudes. If he instantly responds, he was totally ignoring you before.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because your fingerprints aren’t in the database.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)