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Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
Whenever a little kid asks me to push him on the swing I remind him there are children his age in China making iPhones.
I really thought 2015 had potential to be “my year” but we’re 2 months in and that ship has sailed so I’ll try again for 2016.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I`m not sure how to say this but ... Worcestershire sauce
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If my house is clean, it means that Facebook is not working.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
You know you can`t say "happiness" without saying "p*nis"
No, PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on facebook.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.