Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Always look for the girl with the ponytail holder on her wrist.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
I wish some people`s cardio exercise consisted of running into traffic.
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
If looks could kill, mirrors would be the leading cause of death among ugly people
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
It’d be hilarious to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security’s face when they pull off the mask.
When dealing with women, you can either be right or get laid. You can`t have both.
The female praying mantis devours the male within minutes after mating, while the female human prefers to stretch it out over a lifetime.
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Bad decisions make good stories.