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Tonight I plan on drinking until I`m someone else`s problem
For the first time in my years of working I have been hard at work all day......dammm those pills!!!!
Sarcasm is just one of the many services I offer to people who ask stupid questions.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
You know you’re working class when your TV is bigger than your book case.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
Honking your horn won´t make them go any faster, but at least they´ll know that you´re an asshole.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
The iPhone 6 looks pretty cool, but it still lets people leave voicemails, so they apparently haven`t worked out all the bugs yet.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
I`m not funny, I`m just kidding u
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.