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I end a sentence with "just sayin" because ending it with "dumbass" would be offensive.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. ..Especially since I walked there. :)
Money can buy imitation happiness. I’m cool with that.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
If you`re going to be stupid, don`t do it on Facebook.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Agreeing to disagree is lame. Let’s agree to take turns slapping each other until one of us admits we were wrong.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Never look directly at the people having a sizzling plate of fajitas delivered to their table... It’s what they want.
Honk if you wanna see the finger
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
I may be asking too much of this coffee.