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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
I have two feelings, it`s either "I`m hungry" or "I shouldn`t have eaten this much"
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
“Knock him out.” – Mama
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn`t want to hear. "Who was that?"
Take me seriously at your own risk.
If only someone on the internet would give me their opinion on the election.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs
"Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.