Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
Change is hard. Seriously have you ever tried to bite a nickel?
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
More tattoo artists really just need to say "No, I`m not doing that."
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
If I had a dollar for everytime I was distracted, look squirrel!
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Apparently, "Step up your game" isn`t the correct response when your neighbour brings over fresh cookies, and your wife asks how they are.
That`s a lot of selfies for someone that claims to be emotionally stable
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
When someone wants to talk behind your back, FART!
If you read my entire Facebook timeline from the beginning, you can witness my descent into madness
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!