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May you never be as bored as whoever figured out that holding a seashell to your ear sounds like the ocean
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
You’re probably naked under all those clothes. You slut.
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butts.
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
I hate it when I’m singing along to a song, and the artist gets it wrong.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
Roses are red and sometimes they`re thorny, when I think of you, I get really ...............
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I dream about naps.
I just don`t get life insurance. Why would I want to give my family a financial incentive to kill me?
Wal-Mart: Because going to Target requires a shower.