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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
The bat signal seems pretty useless if they need Batman during the day.
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
I think it’s pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
I`m never free but I`m available.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.
Dance like no oneΒ΄s going to put it on YouTube.
They say you are what you eat but I don’t remember eating a sexy beast.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I will kill you with kindness even if I have to beat the sh!t out of you.
I embraced my inner child today and the lil` bastard bit me!