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the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
You don`t have to dress like you`re a handbag, unless you are Lady Gaga.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
I do love you for your mind, I just like your mind a lot more when you’re naked.
What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you`re here on Facebook?
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.
Hand sanitizer: the cut finder.