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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
What do you call a guy who makes "Woman in the Kitchen" jokes? Single.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
I can only please one person a day...and today is not your day!
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I didn`t see anyone important today so I`m going to wear the same clothes tomorrow.
Does anyone have a good recipe for homemade gasoline?
My girlfriend left me because I`m a legend ... Or to quote her, `Arrogant`.
My medic alert bracelet warns first responders that I kiss back during CPR
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
I wish I had Dora`s mom and dad, they let that girl go everywhere.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered is god playing angry birds hmm
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car