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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night... In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
If someone doesn`t respond to your text within 5 minutes, they obviously don`t love you anymore. Probably never did, react accordingly.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
I’ve found that I can usually judge how hot a woman is by how many times my girlfriend calls her a whore.
I should be ashamed of myself. Lets be clear, I`m not. But I should be.