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Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
I`m a wealth of knowledge ... Unless you want it to be true, then I`m pretty solid on about 6 topics ... 2 of those might just be Doritos flavors
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
I’m hopelessly addicted to placebos ..I’d give them up, but it’d make no difference.
My head says go to the gym. My heart says food.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Currently under the influence of cold and flu medicine...my actions can not be held against me!
I am convinced God only created six days and the devil added Monday.
Why don`t they just get Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail?
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
I cringe when teens brag about taking girls to pound town because adopting a puppy together is a huge responsibility.