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Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on your wall again.
If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
People who don’t understand sarcasm are awesome.
Grey Goose and Red Bull, because two sets of wings is better than one.
If I was supposed to share them, they wouldn`t be called nachos.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Do you ever just sit there and think “why am I not rich”?
I taught my wife everything she knows about male stupidity.
I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
It`s never going to work out between Mario and the Princess. Most of the time she`s on a whole other level.
Well, I`ve officially entered the, "Why did I come into this room?" phase of my life.