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Someone figured out my password. Now I have to rename my dog.
when my swear jar gets full I`m going to use the money to buy a f*cking puppy
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
You`ve been on more hotel pillows then chocolate mints.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
WikiHow suggested 9 Ways to Celebrate Earth Day.... I did all by ?#? SLEEPING?the whole day! How???? I smoked less, used water/power less etc. Wikiwikiwiki!!!!!
Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 40 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 3. Now close your eyes.... It`s dark isn`t it.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Welcome to my bedroom,this is where the magic happens.....and by that I mean this is where I read my Harry Potter books.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.