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I get in this weird mood where I don`t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood `Awake`
I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
When people ask me if I`m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they`re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
really vry funny
Thank God you`ve updated your status to "Finished lunch" after you first posted "Going to lunch" I really couldn`t tolerate more suspense.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he’s all wagging his tail, but I know he’s not listening. I get it ladies.
Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram have taught us that for every giant technological leap ahead, we will find a way to use it for dumb sh!t.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
I`m back in the HR office today. In my defense my coworker very plainly said "stick a fork in me, I`m done"
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.