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I enjoy long walks on the beach and that thing you just did with that banana.
I`m not insulting you, I`m describing you.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Remember, no matter how bad a day you may be having, no matter how sh!tty a situation you may be in... I`m feeling great. So it`s all good!
"Let`s give the bad guy a ponytail." - 80s movies
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
You call it camping. I call it getting drunk with insects.