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Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
lol I rotfl
Remember when the world ended last year?
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
I saw a baby wearing a bib that said, “This dumbass put my cape on backwards”
Moms birthday is next week. I can’t find a card that says “I wish you loved me more than vodka.”
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
If the cup is only half full, I suggest buying a smaller bra.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.