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Your clothes are making me uncomfortable, please take them off.
Beheaded our snowman to let winter know we mean business.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they`ve beat you to it!
Ever seen a person so disgusting you hold your breath when you walk by them? Yea I have.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
A married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy
After joining Facebook, my TV became radio.
Advertising taught me that hair conditioner makes you move in slow motion.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...