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It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
It doesn`t matter whether the glass is half empty or half full. There`s clearly room for more Alcohol
I just watched a puppy do something really cute. It was like a real life YouTube video.
Donβt worry I wonβt tell anyone.. and if I do, Iβll tell them not to tell anyone.
I love to start my day by getting on Facebook to see who is a whiny little bi!ch today.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed PiΓ±atas
According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with "Go away."
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
I hate in video games how penguins always use their ability to slide on their stomachs for evil
I`m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv.
All my life Iβve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.
Here`s a crazy trick to avoid looking fat in pictures: Lose weight.
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/