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The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
I`d rather be in a relationship where no one wears the pants.
You say stalker. I say unpaid private investigator.
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
One of the greatest things about owning a dog is how happy they are to see you even though you just stepped out of the house for 30 seconds.
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
People who say `expresso` instead of `espresso,` may I axe you to please stop? Thanx.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I`m like that, but with salad.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Word for today: Dipshidiot
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!