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My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites.
I knew I`d be a great parent. Kids aren`t nearly as difficult to take care of as my drunk friends.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
Always finish your beer. There`s sober kids in Africa.
Most days the best thing about my job is that my chair spins
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
A pretty important part of being a dad is waiting in the car.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
I don`t get nearly enough credit for managing not to be a violent psychopath
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...