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My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
I`m not sure why they gave all these other people cars.
I`m starting to think that life isn`t worth living anymore and... Oh wait, there`s the bartender now. Nevermind.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side!
The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while...
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
It`s 2014 and somehow we still don`t have a car mirror that can make objects appear exactly as far away as they are.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.