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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Just used the "f word" over on FB so I`m waiting for the villagers with their torches, axes, whatever those people use.
The only time I`ve ever had a chip on my shoulder was when I tried to dump the entire bag into my mouth at once.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Behind every beautiful woman, is a beautiful behind.
Some days the problem is I care too much... Today was not one of those days...
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
Should hallways in mental institutes be called psycho-paths?
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.