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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
My GPS is basically just one more woman in my life who I turn on and then ignore.
My greatest achievement today was writing this status.
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
My level of sarcasm is to a point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not.
When people say things like "You can`t change the past" I can`t help but wonder what it must be like to have that brilliant of a mind.
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Every member of my family is polite & courteous which I why our pantry has 17 boxes of cookies that contain exactly one remaining cookie
Oh, a spider just landed on my desk... In other news,,, When startled, I can jump 5 feet in the air with just the power of my ass cheeks.
Folks, there`s no need to say GOODNIGHT on Facebook. NO ONE will be thinking " hey where did they go".
Friends who buy you food are friends for life.