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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
Advantage #46 of being single. I have entire closets that are completely empty.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Should all acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind, should all acquaintance be forgot and somebody refill my wine.
I show my age when I`m in a club with all the 20 somethings.. Guess its because the last dance step I mastered was dancing like Gene Gene The Dancing Machine
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
I forgive and forget, because I have a good heart, and a terrible memory.
If the shoe fits . . . buy one in every color
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
I can’t prove this, but I swear I used to be smarter, funnier, and less tired
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you