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Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
If you`ve never needed to move to a new city and assume a new identity, then we probably haven`t dated.
[takes out checkbook][clicks pen] Alright, how much to make these Bit Strips to go away forever.
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Someone`s gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves.
We have so much in common. You want to travel and I want you to go.
I am a Mother hear me roar.....especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
Why,does facebook want to make the likes one gets on their status like a story,like:peter and 500 others like this,click and see james and 499 others like this............
The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Billion dollar idea. A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I`m just cooking!"
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!