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I`m surprised carving faces into vegetables after pulling out their innards isn`t incorporated into more American Holidays.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
I haven`t been drinking. I know what day it is. I didn`t lose my pants. This might be my car. I know how to drive. -Lies I`ve told to cops.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Business plan : 1. hold sign that says "free hugs" 2. Whisper during the hug, "it`s $50 to let go"
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
is currently amending my "Who gets money" list when I win the lottery ... who has something nice to say?
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.
I can either be on time or wearing pants. Pick one.