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I purchased my own Taser off the internet the other day. In a totally unconnected incident, I´ve got to buy a cat to replace the neighbors one this afternoon.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
Take your age. Subtract 3. Then add 3. That is your age.
I can’t hang out tonight because I’m done with people for the day.
It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That`s yours now."
I just awesomed all over the place.
Turns out I`m ambidextrous at yet another sport! And I even scored a bingo twice. Left-handed!
Career goal: Being successful enough to add bacon to my burger without asking how much more it costs.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.