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If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
The closest I`ve come to being an athlete is using Adobe Acrobat.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
I hate it when auto-correct changes my "omg" to "OMG" like, chill out, I`m not that surprised.
I know I don`t look like it but I`m really good looking!
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
just realised MR OWL ATE MY METAL WORM is exactly the same backwards
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.