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facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
Shouldn`t there have been at least one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
When I say I like to travel, I really just mean I like to get drunk in different places.
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
What an intoxicated Schwarzenegger might say to a police officer: "I`m an IDIOT you COP!"
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
Ugh, I forgot to go to the gym today. That`s 9 years in a row now...