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If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
Sometimes, late at night in WalMart, I switch up all the color tubes in the hair dye kits.
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
I bought one of the "Books for Dummies" for 50% off, but I needed help to figure out what the price was.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Sorry, I was not paying attention. I was thinking about having sex with you.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
If a tree falls on your Ex in the woods, and no one hears it, still get rid of the chainsaw just in case.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish ... I`m not even high.
No matter where you live, there’s always 1 light switch that doesn’t do anything.