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Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
Sorry I wasn’t ignoring you I was just watching 7 seasons and 54 episodes of this new show I found.
Earlier this morning, I was invited to join a XXX facebook group. I was somewhat intrigued until I realized it was a group for guys who like to wear really big shirts.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I`m allergic to gluten free diets.
The last 10 seconds of every voicemail my grandmother leaves me is her trying to hang up the phone.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
I just saw a woman getting into a car the wrong way ... Through the driver’s door.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
I’m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
You can not force anyone to love you ... The best you can do is stalk them and hope they give in :)