Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
"It`s the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
Guys that try to pick up girls on facebook are pathetic. Girls if you agree, message me your number so we can talk about it.
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
I’m not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on.
My therapist keeps saying that I should really stop talking to inanimate objects.....but he`s a lamp...what does he know....