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Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
Texting while driving is incredibly stupid and dangerous ... You`re practically begging for typos.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
If anyone could do it, it wouldn`t be called PROcrastination.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
You can’t choose your family, but you can ignore their phone calls.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
If only my goals were to be poor, lazy and out of shape.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
No one has ever been in an empty room.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.