Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Now there’s Adderall to perk up, Xanax to calm down, Prozac to feel normal. In my day we drank beer for all three.
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
If you never jumped from couch to couch as kid to avoid the lava, then you missed out on childhood.
Imagine how bad it would be if everyone could hear what you were thinking.
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Sometimes I mop the carpet just so my wife doesn`t ask me to help with stuff.
I would of never even thought of touching half the things that I`ve touched, if it weren`t for the "Do not touch" signs!
There is no life on earth without water. Because without water, there is no coffee. And without coffee, I`ll kill you all.
"Bros before hoes" is something a bro without a hoe would say.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I started to keep a notepad beside the bed so that I can write down post at night, so far I have: Really shitty handwriting in the dark.
Dating Tip: Find a partner with a compatible phone charger.