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i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
You can learn a lot about a woman by watching her load a gun.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
whoo hoo...I have new gutters. Please try and keep your mind out of them.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
OMG, you`re huge! There`s no way you`ll fit inside me.- My clothes probably.
Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.
I didn’t say “what?” because I can’t hear you. I was giving you a chance to change what you said.
If you`re in WalMart and you`re holding in a fart, just remember, YOU`RE IN WALMART!!
I`d like to help you out ... Which way did you come in?
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. It`s true... The less I see of someone, the more I like them!
When I`m CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."