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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
I`ve heard of women that aren`t crazy ... but I`ve also heard of unicorns, so whatever...
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Thou shall not promote Christmas until after Thanksgiving.
"Grapey." -me after every wine at the wine-tasting
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
If I dont clean my house soon. They are gonna bring in blindfolded people to do a Febreze commercial
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.