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Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
When I bang my toe against something, it’s like I pressed a button that plays every curse word I know.
You can’t call them “love handles” if nobody loves you
Fart jokes ain`t funny, they stink.
The only thing worse than a male chauvinistic pig is a woman that won’t do as she is told
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
Frozen water balloon fights... not a good idea.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.