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*Me washing my car* Person: Hey what’s up? Washing your car? Me: No, I’m watering it to see if it’ll grow into a bus.
I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
I just ran 3.5 miles in 30 minutes! Ha! Just kidding, I ate some ice cream.
You should be able to park in an “expecting mother” parking space if you’re waiting for your mom.
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
Do you ever get up in the morning and look in the mirror and say, "that can`t be right"?
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
I really like my new electric toothbrush, even though sometimes, I still break out the acoustic.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.
Marrying your high school sweetheart is like taking the banker`s first offer on Deal or No Deal.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
Why do people walk by and say "Hi, how are you?" but they don`t stop long enough for you to reply!