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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
I`m not a Dr. or a Nutritionist, but I`m pretty sure the worst thing you can put into any high fat/ high calorie dish is your fork.
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
The best nights are those when it never crosses your mind to update your Facebook status.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Breasts are like model trains. They were originally meant for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I refuse to celebrate Earth Day until Wind & Fire are recognized.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.