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Life can be like Chess sometimes. I don`t know how to play Chess.
You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you like to do for fun.
Boss: Are you on drugs? Me: You and I both know I don`t make enough money to have a drug problem
If you cry loudly enough at a Walmart everyone will just assume you work there.
I`m so old, I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign And before that ... we used to play Tic-Tac-Toe on that sh!t.
Your personality needs alcohol.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
It isn`t a successful BBQ until some drunken idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I`m fine by the way.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I just bought an answering machine! What should I ask it?
Siri, where are my pants?
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
Damn girl are you a cobweb cause you`re really clingy and annoying
Somebody just gave me a free air guitar..... No strings attached