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Sex is great, but.....Have you ever had stuffed crust pizza?!?!
Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
I never talk to myself......But I do have some candid conversations with the other personalities!
Told my wife I wanted our kids every other weekend and she reminded me that we`re married & live together so I`d have to see them every day.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
If I could be any animal I`d pick a turtle, strictly for the chance, however slight, I could be turned into a ninja.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Confession #156: I always prepare myself before stepping on the escalator
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.