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I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
There’s no excuse for my behavior, so I’m drinking until I have one.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she cuts your brake lines.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.