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I’ve had no formal martial arts training, but I know for a fact the Power Rangers are wasting too much energy on unnecessary summersaults
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
Dear axe body spray, Could you Please put a suggested spray size on your deodorant bottles. Best regards, Asphyxiated girls everywhere.
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
They have all those non-smoking laws in public places so let’s now all focus on passing some perfume/cologne usage limits.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
Why is it when I flush the toilet in the middle of the night, I have a feeling I woke up the entire neighbourhood?
This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?