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Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I`ve been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It`s time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I`m hiring a cameraman.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that`s your ghost outfit forever.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
when people fall in love they are called " love birds." when they fight they are called "angry birds."