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I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
I`m so bored at work that I`m actually doing my job.
I`m at my best mathematically when I wake up before the time my alarm is set for
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Next time I go to Hooters I`m ordering milk.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
I heard recently on the radio that, "If a man looks at womens breasts for 10 mins a day he will add 5 years to his life".. Can anyone confirm this?!! If so what are we waiting for?