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My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
Stop screaming, lady. All I said was `this is how pornos start`. It`s just elevator talk.
You can’t believe everything you hear, but you can repeat it.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
The only thing I hate about beer is that there`s absolutely nothing I hate about beer... :)
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Apparently, I`m the only one that wants to drink beer at this intervention.
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
News flash! someone just found Carmon Sandiego!
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.