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The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
My doctor told me to start watching what I eat. What channel is the Pizza Network on?
TEIAM - problem solved
I said "Candyman" 5 times into the bathroom mirror and sure enough some woman came out of the stall and screamed at me for being in there.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
Am I the only one who thinks my body should have better things to do than make nipple hair?
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
Hedgehogs would seem far less adorable if they had more relevant names like `Stabbyrabbit` or `Weaponrat`
Porn Spoiler.......The plumber doesn`t fix the leak in the kitchen sink...
Facebook is not so bad once you block your family and friends.
A real man should never wave faster than he says the word “hey”
Bring a side? Like, of alcohol?
Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it