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The guy below me obviously doesn`t know that R2-D2 is in movies, not television
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Sit-ups are my favorite form of exercise because I get to lay down every few seconds.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Walmart calls them self checkouts, I call them I might not pay for some of this.
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
After how long is it ok to tell your friends that they are imaginary?
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Never call a woman crazy because she will say, “I’m not crazy!” and then go and do something crazy. Probably with matches.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
You`d think by episode 133 the Scooby Doo gang would know it`s a guy in a costume every time.
I`m the type of person who goes out to a restaurant and orders a veggie burger with cheese and bacon on it.
In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY ... My best time so far is 7 min.
I feel like I would enjoy getting out of bed more if I only had to do it like 3 times a week. This every day thing is overkill.