Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
Oh, I thought you were talking about napping. In that case no, I`m not good in bed.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
I love asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because I`m still looking for ideas.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Save water- shower with me!
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
My idea of drinking responsibly is using a coaster.