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What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
I have many thoughts. I just can´t remember any of them.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Whoever is controlling me sucks at this game.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
His idea of cleanliness is sweeping the room with a glance.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps but, I’m slowly getting over it.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
I wish that life had an option for viewing other available episodes.
I used to think I was good at multi-tasking. Turns out it’s just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.