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Will be drunk until further notice.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
That`s not chapstick in my front pocket.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks that I should leave work early.
If the TV show "Cops" has taught me anything, it`s to stay away from people with blurry faces....... they always seem to attract trouble.......
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
Ironically the only way I`d watch the 50 Shades of Grey movie is if you tied me to a chair and forced me to.
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.