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The home cooked pizza box says to cook the pizza between 14 and 16 minutes. That`s 15 minutes, right? I`m not reading too much into it?
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
Whenever someone invites me to their home and I see more than 3 cars parked outside, I keep driving just in case it`s an intervention.
A lot of talk from the peasants lately about my arrogance.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Does anyone actually know what you have to do when people are singing Happy Birthday to you.
Now that "twerk" has been added to the dictionary, I can`t wait for a Spelling Bee judge to be asked to use it in a sentence.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
If I can`t convince you, I will sure as hell confuse you.
I went to the missing persons` beurau. No one was there.