Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I want to cover you in expensive things…like gasoline.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
I hate to choose sides, but if forced, I`ll aggressively side with the person paying my bar tab.
If you`re able to roll over in your grave, you should save that energy for yelling and digging.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
i hope your life is as long and useful as this roll of toilet paper!!!
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
I bet my mom is looking down on me right now, wherever she is. She`s not dead, just very condescending.
There is no one more trustworthy than Clark Kent`s dry cleaner.
There`s only one kind of exercise I know and its the beer run.
Got a new blood pressure monitor, says it turns off after 6 minutes of inactivity .....
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
I’m not saying I need to manscape, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban.