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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
One trenta cheeseburger please.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
I just don`t understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
Sorry I can`t make it to your party tonight- I have to get up REALLY early tomorrow afternoon.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.