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Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Lying in bed, listening to the Doors. I really should oil the hinges...
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
My Ex texted me."please delete my number."I replied,"Who`s this??"
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Announcement: .. the Time Travelers Meeting scheduled for today will be held last Thursday
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot”, you are wasting everybody’s time.
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.
If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is “My God how does he drink his beer??”, You might be an alcoholic.
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.
To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1) You tried your best. 2) I don`t like pickles on my BigMac.