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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
THESE NACHOS ARE THE BOMB! …..and that’s how I got my nachos taken away at the airport.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Meant to tell my kid "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school tomorrow because this is bullsh!t"
Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
I don`t blame Monday. I blame Saturday for not matching my Powerball numbers
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
why don`t we get discounts for ringing up our own groceries in self checkout?
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
The hardest thing about my juice cleanse is trying to juice Snickers
It’s a status….not your diary…
How many days in a row do you have to wear the same clothes until you’re legally a cartoon?
How’s your day going? Here’s a good way to tell: Is it “already” 2:00pm or “only” 2:00pm?