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Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I`m in 3rd.
A person who says they will never lie to you is probably lying already.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus and a recovery room where they have clear print.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
A new study says eating sugar will kill you and was conducted by the No Sh!t Sherlock Research Institute.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Why do I get the feeling that a lot of adults nowadays who ask kids "What do you want to be when you grow up?" are just trying to come up with some ideas?
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!