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Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
This pizza looks like a pie chart of 100% good news.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
You know you are getting old when people keep telling you how young you look.
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
You know you`re poor when you sneak into Sam`s Club with some random family just to eat samples for lunch. Yay... Christmas
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
everyone is BEAUTIFUL in there own way--your just to UGLY to see that
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
Guys just want a virgin porn star and girls just want a dangerous safe guy.
Before Walmart you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded lady!
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.