Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different than mine.
I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
Do the spectators at golf tournaments know they don`t have to be there
Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?
My resume is basically just a list of things I hate to do.
Shout out to people wondering what the opposite of in is.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
Heard Justin Bieber got arrested for drag racing. Sure it`s dangerous, but surely it isn`t against the law to run in high heels...
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
I was called sexist today. So..i said i think ur mistaken...its pronounced sexy! LOL
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?