Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
Two years ago I became a proud parent. My kid is 6, but they were kind of a pain those first four years.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
is in that awkward phase of the day between never drinking again and noon.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Speed bumps can turn into speed ramps depending on who`s car I`m borrowing.
Sad how some stick figures get stuck working the hangman game, while others get to have nice families on the back of SUVs
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
I love sleep because its like a time machine to breakfast.
u cant spell awesome without me
It’s amazing how everyone cries for free speech until someone says something that they don’t like.
I like to gaze up at the stars at night and think about how somewhere there is intelligent life that hates doing laundry as much as I do.