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If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
Roses are red, violets are blue. If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I`m too lazy to ever write a biography. Story of my life.
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
If I ever post something on Social media sites that`s not funny or clever, That just means someone hacked my account, Just Saying!
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
Some people are grateful for the impact you made in their life…. It’s not me, I think you’re a pr!ck.
FYI: Every Scooby Doo episode would literally be 2 minutes long, if the gang went to the mask store 1st & asked a few questions.
Things that don`t kill bees: 1. Furniture polish 2. Febreeze 3. Butter 4. Screaming