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FUN THING TO WRITE ON A POST CARD: "Weather is great, having tons of fun! Are you still planning to murder your mailman?"
Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Very few things upset my wife. So, it makes me feel rather special to be one of them.
I`m growing a mullet to test our friendship.
I grew up in a town where the population never changed… Every time a girl got pregnant, a guy left town
If anybody out there happens to have my voodoo doll, can u please scratch my balls. I happe to be in a public place at the moment.
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
Her: Do you want to run away with me? ME: We won`t actually be running, right?
Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sex with a mosquito?