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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
*Financial Status* Just rinsed off a paper plate...
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
What`s it called when it`s 9:20am and you can`t wait for dinner? Oh, it`s called fat. Nevermind.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
I`ve been told that I can be condescending... that means that I tend to talk down to people.
I’m sad when my food is over.
What’s the answer to this question?
I must have a great butt because every time I finish talking with someone and start to walk away, I hear them whisper "What an a$$."
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
Sometimes I can’t remember what parking lot I left my car in at the mall so I get it Malaysia Airlines…I totally get it.
Key to a Happy Life: Get a job where people ask, “You actually get paid for doing this?”