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Worry: a waste of imagination.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
NEVER go to a wet t shirt contest drunk. I won 2nd place.
I`m trying to cut back on posting pics to Instagram, so I`m not going to eat anymore.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
When everything else fails... you always have delusion.
that annoying manager who thinks they are god ... you are not ... you are a douche box
Funny how the closer I get to the bar the friendlier I become.
So far the "couch" part of couch-to-5k is easily my favorite.
I was going to buy my first pair of Jordans.. Until I saw the price.. So I decided to make a car payment instead!
It takes about 2.9 seconds for me to go from “this is the best day ever” to “I want to stab every person on planet Earth.”
"That`s too much bacon." -Nobody ever