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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
So what if Jesus turned water into wine... I turned a whole student loan into beer once. your move Jesus.
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
Guess what`s brown and sticky... a stick.
Iām not a biologist but Iām pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Don`t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your `team of writers`
Dear Autocorrect, She`s an amazing woman not an amazon woman. Thanks. And now I`m never getting laid.
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!