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You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
I will straight up walk into traffic to avoid a kid selling something.
How long do I have to wear these skinny jeans before they start working?
All the coffee in Colombia couldn`t make me a morning person.
I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number? ...hmm
In Hell, you cannot peel off the colors on a Rubik`s Cube to solve it
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
A cop just pulled me over and said papers - so I said scissors, I win and drove off.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!
Whenever I feel that someone is about to sneeze I yell “PIKA!” & they’re like “CHU!”. I don’t have any friends.
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.