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Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
I’ve noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be.
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
I need my coffee before I start pretending to work.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
An apple a day will keep anyone away ... if thrown hard enough.
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
I don`t think I can call myself an adult until I can accept the fact that "dry clean only" is not a dare.
I did all I can do. I can´t do no more
You know a guy likes you when his pants give you a thumbs up ;)
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science