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Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I did last year.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name...
would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
Whenever i see a facebook page Celebrate; "We have reached 200K fans". I just ask myself, do they know how many of those 200K died or left facebook or can`t remember their password after they liked the page?
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
What`s cardio, and can I eat it?
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one