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I`ve reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Dog Found: Now we are bros, so he`s staying. Don`t call, don`t make it weird.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
Don`t ever, ever EVER!!! Touch a crazy man`s food!!! I will STAB YOU WITH A SPOON!
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
I think the Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
Every day is a constant battle of trying to convince myself I don’t like cookies.
If someone says they`ll always be there for you...make sure you find out exactly where "there" is.
My Life Alert bracelet says.....: I`m Just Napping
The more I know, the more I forget! The more I forget the less I know! The less I know, the less I forget! The less I forget, the more I know!!!
Hey officer, why did you stop me? Just an hour ago, you said that you never wanted to see me again.