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Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
I believe in love at first episode.
Sugar` is the only word in English that starts with `su` and sounds like `sh`. I`m sure of it.
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
If kids are so wonderful why do you have to pay people to watch them?
I hate when I walk into the kitchen for food and only find ingredients.
News flash, ladies. Men are settling for you, too.
Though we made many advancements in society, sadly, pimpin’ STILL isn’t easy.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
I asked my wife what women really want, she said attentive lovers. Or maybe she said "a tent of lovers." I wasn`t really listening.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. Then they are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
i hate that the sun comes up so early
They should`ve added "Might lose a lot of sleep" in Facebook`s terms & conditions before signing up.
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.