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I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
That`s like asking the fat guy to watch the pie.
Some people wouldn`t understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that`s not a risk I`m willing to take.
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
My date just saved me tons of money by simply saying, "no, I don`t want to be your valentine and stop texting me!"
I was the hot single in my area the whole time.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
When my kid grows up they`re not aloud to date until they`re married.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my feet while lying on the couch, so I guess today was leg day...
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.