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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Damn it. I missed the number of the day on Sesame Street and now I don`t know how many pills to take.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
I wish I budgeted with my whole paycheck as well as I do with the last fifty bucks of it.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
The truth is, men put the lids on jars that tight so you’d need us, we’re not that stupid.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
Over the weekend I pulled a muscle getting off the couch to fetch more Doritos.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
I like how the package for cotton swabs says don`t put them in your ears and everyone in the world is thinking: "WTF else would I do with them?!"
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.
gua suka sama kamu