Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
I wish electronics would scream a little bit when you unplugged them.
This could be the best day ever… but it isn’t. Again.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I`m motivated by a need to leave something meaningful in the world & a profound desire to shove it in the face of anyone who`s rejected me.
I’ve never met a weekend that I didn’t like.
I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do