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I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
Congratulations, U.S. Government, you are now officially more embarrassing than Miley Cyrus
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
Divorce is what happens when two people win an argument.
A blind man walks into a bar....and a stool....and a table....
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.