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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Life is like chocolate...sometimes you gotta deal with nuts.
Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
I don`t really care who wins the elections as long as everyone had fun out there.
I was told that exercise helps with your decision making. It’s true. After going to the gym earlier I’ve decided I’m never going again.
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it`s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
It`s not an attitude problem, it`s the way I am.
My grandpa has Alzheimer`s, so I just keep telling him he owes me twenty bucks.
Where have you been all my life? Can you go back there?
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
I want to sleep tighter
Isn`t it weird that a vacuum cleaner isn`t something that is used to clean vacuums?
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.