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I`d swim across the ocean for you.. Lol, Just kidding. There`s f*cking sharks in there.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
All I see on Facebook is penis, orgasm, bang him, bang her, bullwhip, masturbate, porn, tits, and then I read everyone else`s posts..
There`s an emoji for eggplants but not for popcorn and this is why trusting people isn`t just hard, it`s impossible.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
MAY` contain nudity? Either it does or it doesn`t. DON`T WASTE MY TIME
How many Oreos is too many?...Is it 25?...I feel like it should be more than 25
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
I don`t make a very good first impression, but if you hang around, my forty-third one is pretty cool.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
I want to delete a bunch statuses, so if you guys could just message me your passwords that`d be great.
It only takes a few seconds to show someone how you feel about them,The police call it indecent exposure but whatever...
I have nothing!