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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
It may not look like it, but I`m actually very handsome.
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
Starbucks announced guns are no longer allowed in their stores. Seems crazy banks didn`t think of this.
The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence.
The only instant messaging I enjoy is with my middle finger.
Winter is filled with men trying to figure out the least feminine way to apply chapstick.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Ladies first. Because it might be dangerous.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.