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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I have a life, I have the best life in the world. Oh wait sitting around watching Netflix and eating pizza rolls isn`t a life. I guess i was wrong then. :( bummer
The future is much like the present, only longer.
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
If I was a funeral director, I would tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.Then the zombie apocalypse would be hilarious.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
My favorite part of the Bible is when God gives humans free will, then kills them with a flood because they didn`t act the way he wanted.
Tonight I’m going to have my favorite drink. It’s called “a lot.”
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
I can keep a secret… It’s all the other people I tell it to who can’t.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.