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According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, You`re actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
Trust me , as you get to know me , i just get weirder.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
You`re right, you didn`t ask that guy for a d!ck pic, but nobody asked for hundreds of pictures of your face either.
Dear iPhone, Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones. You piece of shut.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.