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Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that Iām right.
Do you ever feel like you`re in Season 5 of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous stuff to keep it interesting?
I`m watching Godzilla tonight.... His parents asked me to babysit
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
Nice try, St. Patrick`s Day, but I don`t need a reason to drink.
Nothing like working out to make you feel like you deserve that burger and fries.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
I told you a million times do not exaggerate!
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
Do you ever just look at someone and think "Wow, let me take off your pants."
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
I can always tell when I`m drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards