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Nothing says "My balls are kept in a jar inside her purse" quite like a joint Facebook account
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
Is going to bed! Hopefully the Cleaning Fairies will come and clean my house tonight! Wishful Dreaming i guess!
After years of commercials, I still have no idea what a Go Daddy is
I swear, if my memory gets any worse I’ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
You can always tell the guys that masturbate a lot by looking at their hands. If you look close enough you can see their wedding ring.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy, if you put it in your stomach first.
I`m sorry, I`ll be busy this weekend walking around my house with mini alcohol bottles and fun size candy bars pretending I`m a giant.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I love all religions. They bring holidays .
If I ever go missing and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at any gyms.
You`re more inbred than sandwhich filler.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.