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My New Year`s resolution is to stop pointing my car alarm remote at my apartment front door expecting to unlock it
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
I thought `Pokemon` was a Jamaican Porn... My bad...
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
I stopped watching the History Channel because it`s so outdated.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.