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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you’re not fully satisfied with your life, do something about it. Or complain about it on the internet. Whatever you prefer.
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 spacecraft computer. They went to the moon. I text a lot.
eHarmony should be more like Amazon “customers who slept with Tina172 also slept with LuvinLife_83, TaintMisbehavin, and Cat_Lover03?.
I think there should be a mandatory test at 16 that you have to pass and if not, you get neutered or spayed.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed and it was....GREAT!
I just got pulled over by the US Border Patrol. The agent comes up to my window and says, "Papers?" I said, "Scizzors!! I win!!!." And drove off. Apparently the US Border Patrol didn`t think Paper beat Scizzors. Sore Losers!!
I can relate to Alice in Wonderland. She just keeps randomly eating and drinking with hope that it might magically solve her problems.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
So I danced like no one was watching. My court date is pending.